Perhaps we have learned our skills in one to one. Perhaps we have our love relationships, our friendships and relationships improved. One family at a time - and we have improved our family relationships. But if we sit around the table or holiday fun at the wedding with our family, is an entirely different experience.
First, as we are with our families, we have to juggle between different accounts simultaneously. Our attention is divided at best, for many of us, our consciousness, we completely abandoned after the first big battle. We feel like we were surrounded, and we need to protect against malicious attacks. We often think that is produced is not an option. When we are cornered, we often think the only way we can survive is to fight our way back, people skills, damn it.
While most people assume that General Sherman called the Civil War, when he said: "War is hell", actually refers to a memorable Thanksgiving dinner, especially with his family. This also explains why he send his troops into battle without thinking, but the mention of cranberry sauce reduces him to tears.
So here are some important tips for surviving your next family celebration.
Tip # 1: Go easy on yourself!
Tip of survival is first and most important to remember that the navigation skills to survive family gatherings unique are a little 'practice sometimes, we can not all not of our family dynamic between the course salad, pumpkin pie In fact, we can the dynamics of our family ever -.. What is important that we accept that it is not necessary. it is our responsibility to solve our problems their families. We are only responsible for our answers to their problems. Our goal is to expand our security and obtain verification, focusing our consciousness, family event to survive relatively intact.
But while we keep our minds for our families takes practice! We should go easy on us. We respond as we want to answer. We can be incorporated into the old arguments. Whatever happens, we have to make it perfect. We do our best, and that's all we ever ask ourselves. And do not forget that our awareness that we even play the old pattern is a change in this pattern! As we develop our awareness, we can spend less time stuck in our old patterns. Over time, our ads will help us long-term changes in the patterns in permanent makeup.
Tip # 2: Just go to your family
This advice is just as important as easy on ourselves, but it's often a bit difficult to follow. In fact, we are willing to forgive our parents for everything. We must accept that the best they can at any time. We must begin to recognize and treat our families as people do not like a family. We need to start them for what they recognize, not only for what they are.
If we take the truth that our families to see varied personal aspects of All That "hug is, our relationship with our families dramatically. Our families are part of the powerful men who never meet in our lives. They tend also to show more accurate and powerful for us of course is why we are often so hard to love unconditionally and accept our family. to love our families, we must also be able to love and accept themselves.
However, we can unconditionally love our families, and still choose to sit and eat with them once a year.
Tip # 3: Use the bathroom as a retreat, if necessary
Our other reports, we can usually detect when we feel safe and move to a safe place so that you can solve the ego. Once you restore the balance, our account security, we are intimidated in a position to talk without feeling out again - in no danger of our partners return. If we feel confident in our family relationships, but many of us feel that we are committed to stay and fight. It is simply not the case.
If we recognize that we caused the feeling of a family member, we can choose a pretext to go to the toilet. The bathroom is a place where we can be sure that our privacy, we can stay there until we can do it. We can use the bathroom as a refuge, where we gather our bearings in our power, so we feel safe enough to return to battle. As one of our family members enough to know how long it must have spent in the bathroom refined comment, you can always say, an upset stomach or a weak bladder.
Tip No. 4: losing the battle to win the war
We must be clear about our objectives in terms of family ties. If our goal is to improve the relationship with our family, we must be prepared to stay focused on the big picture. The hardest lesson for many of us get the winner of the war, we need to fight, to lose. Our long term goal, he feels safer attacker in our family relationships. To achieve this goal, we must help our families feel safe and validated. Therefore we have to realize that our security and authentication requirements.
We often experience our families and competitive environment. Our old patterns tell us that a limited amount of security and authentication, and we have to compete with the rest of our family, our needs. We are an insult to snipe at each other, that we only trust the validity of the balance of our account balance is greater than all other accounts. Since we are with other people who receive approval and validation Deal, the more vulnerable we are. If a member responds to our family to feel for the disabled, we have not to defend ourselves. We are aware that this person must be validated, and we can confirm. Sometimes this means, they think that we are less successful, and very talented at everything that we really are.
We must be prepared for any claims that we are to losing the family needs. Our family can win on the argument that they can feel safe and validated. Until we forget that our security and authentication to create, and we do not know how to compete with our family, we are losing the argument, because it will help us win the war. We need to believe our families, that they quite rightly, the problem is, how clearly they are not really true.
We know the truth. That should be enough for us.
Tip 5: Always, Never, never
If we want to treat our families, as they are now, and we do not like them in the past, we eliminate three words have in our vocabulary: always, never, never. Glossary of "conversations" of the family, always, always, and never told them of a siren. Signal that an attack was launched and it's time to duck and cover. In particular, we think our favorite part of our family ties statements like: "Have you ever behave like that," 'If you ever supported me? " And "never gave any credit agreement." When we come to one of these words in a similar context is a red flag that we are focused on past and present. Even though our family used these words to us treat us like we do not like us.
Once we understand these words are used, we must stop. It is likely that our use of these words, our family feel secure legal. We are in a position to apologize for the use of these words, to recognize that we are fair. Something about the ongoing discussions led us to an unpleasant association. If necessary, we can formulate the statement so that it specifically for the present.
When we're on the wrong side of all time, never, never statements, we can choose to respond and not react. Middle of the family together is the wisest choice often change the leadership statement, perhaps in recognition of the training can be valid if part of the past used, and then the topic. When the debate was an old wound, to heal the wound is still there for us to better serve the most appropriate environment